If you can survive the side effects, Blitzkrieg could be right for you.

The FDA has just approved a powerful new drug that has been tested to cure a number of major ailments in lab rats. Now approved for humans, Blitzkrieg has a number of potentially very bad side effects that you should be aware of.

Contact your health care professional if you’re doing the lawn limbo in the marble mailbox.

Call your doctor right away if you’ve gone out with the tide while trolling for topsoil trout.

Check with your MD immediately if you find yourself making a phone call from the horizontal phone booth.

Dial 9-1-1 and ask for immediate medical help if you’re tuxedo dancing the hokey croaky while renting the grass.

Call your doctor if you are doing the worm wave at stiff stadium after you served a major in the pine penalty box.

Stop taking Blitzkrieg if you’re hanging ten on a satin-lined surfboard after you booked a cruise in a dirt submarine.

Quickly call emergency services if you’re doing the pine box lambada at Motel Deep Six after eating moss muffins on the sod subway.

Go straight to your local emergency room if you end up taking a spin in the brass handle sedan while time sharing the oblong condo.

Speak with your physician or pharmacist if you’ve been standing in line at the sod sizzler wearing the wooden waistcoat while riding the satin pony.

Contact a pharmacist immediately if you are parking the bronze bus at the mahogany mini mall and staying at Club Mud while flying a marble kite.

Let your doctor or pharmacist know as soon as possible if you end up playing in the subterranean sandbox after going to the sod prom in a soil sidecar.