Tag Archives: lists

Johnnny’s Seventh Retrospective (Posts 600-700)

My second one hundred posts.

My 7th 100 posts. Now I can build an even longer fence!

Since 700 is such a nice round number, it was decided to use the occasion of my 700th post to take a trip back down memory lane.

So, it’s time once again to look back on Johnnny’s last 100 posts on your FM Observer.

All posts are listed as clickable hyperlinks in chronological order. Enjoy!

600. Johnnny’S sixth retrospective (posts 500-600)
601. Woman claims Woodrow Wilson touched her inappropriately during White House visit
602. Expensive study finds that the year 2100 is only about 82 years away
603. Al Franken dedicates new center for groping
604. West Fargo adding seven new robo cops to its police force
605. Winter snow predictions now called flake news
606. Mall Santa resigns after multiple accusations of groping
607. Cigar-shaped alien spacecraft actually a large french bread heading for Fargo
608. Moorhead man who claims to be the real Santa detained for questioning
609. Winter holiday greetings from your FM Observer
610. Top Ten questions to ask family in-laws and relatives during Christmas
611. Fargo man arrested for leaving dog outside too long
612. Moorhead woman builds house all by herself
613. President expected to swear more after study shows profanity is sign of honesty
614. Jeff Sessions voted most out of touch person in America
615. Fargo flocks to car washes before return of dreaded polar vortex
616. CNN’s Anderson Pooper gets South Park award for swearing 81 times in one hour
617. Man who caused Hawaii missile mishap admits he may have pushed the wrong button
618. Readers invited to email us ideas for future posts
619. Selling stolen pets becoming big business
620. Some religious groups demanding statue of David wear some clothes
621. Phi Eagles fans kindly asked to wear purple instead of green to Super Bowl
622. Top Ten things to do instead of watching the Super Bowl
623. Fargo boy first to ride rocket bike into space
624. Tsunami false alarm issued for state of North Dakota
625. Many wondering how curling can be considered an Olympic sport
626. Very varying reviews on First Lady Michelle Obama’s Smithsonian portrait
627. The Fargo Syndrome beginning to affect many Fargoans
628. Fargo Civic Center purchased by Tom Cruise/Scientology
629. Piano playing support group supportive of playing piano
630. Building-like structures discovered on planet Mars
631. Next Olympic winter games to be held in Fargo North Dakota
632. FM Observer lost in the wilderness for forty days
633. All North Dakotans now required to take an annual mental examination
634. The new rage is having a purse puppy
635. Dolphins being introduced to Fargo-Moorhead area hotel swimming pools
636. Mummified monkey successfully brought back to life
637. Fargo’s Wood-Chip-Stock Festival attracting some major attractions
638. FMO considering starting our own line of wedding anniversary cards
639. Vanna White and Pat Sajak getting divorced after thirty five years
640. Court artist accused of drawing under the influence at Cohen/Daniels court hearing
641. Musician flips the bird to Fargo crowd while suppposedly trying to play the F chord
642. Full disclosure: Sean Hannity and Michael Cohen are brothers from another mother
643. New Starbucks bathroom policy welcomes all
644. Sign up to join the FMO birthday club for only $100
645. Fargo family finds gold bars inside walls of their newly purchased older home
646. To show respect, they’re leaving Barbara Bush on the one dollar bill
647. Kids warned against playing outside during nice summer months
648. New driverless motorcycles expected to make roads safer
649. Jimmy Kimmel being investigated for using unlicensed monkey to prepare his taxes
650. Lots now being sold around West Fargo lagoon
651. Downtown Fargo adding another bar in an attempt to increase crime and number of drunks
652. Kitchen remodeling company creating questionably satisfied customers
653. New UND mascot needs a name
654. Mueller seeks to penetrate Trump’s personal inner sanctum with long large probe
655. Controlled burn that got out of control now 50% contained
656. Hawaiian officials warning people that hot lava is very hot
657. Emperor penguin elected president of Antarctica
658. Mind expansion seminars can help you reach beyond your full potential
659. Fargo approves funding for Perv Park where area pervs can gather
660. Nursing home residents shocked when told they must run the full Fargo marathon
661. Busload of Fargo folks heading to the royal wedding
662. Fargo dog school successfully teaching young dogs to communicate in English
663. So-called Feng Shui Burglar breaks into homes only to re-arrange the furniture
664. The Orb is now available wherever cool things are sold
665. FMO announces the 2018 smartest kids contest
666. Pope clarifies there is a Hell, otherwise known as Grand Forks
667. Dennis Rodman to receive Nobel Peace prize
668. Contest winner eats 81 tacos in 15 minutes
669. Area marshes getting really bogged down
670. New game show on Fox called Find Your Parents to be hosted by Roseanne Barr
671. Global Spinning is increasing in speed; Is it too late to try and put the brakes on?
672. All West Fargoans asked to make a rock balancing sculpture in their yards
673. Montana tractor picked up by tornado lands in Minnesota
674. Win this 1968 Mercury Cougar by entering your name at our FMO corporate headquarters
675. Heidi Heitkamp and Kevin Cramer agree to three UFC-style octagon fights
676. Dog saves drowning man from river and then eats the man
677. Former president Jimmy Carter says Jesus would drink Heineken and vote to legalize recreational marijuana
678. Some Minnesota lakes showing early signs of fermentation
679. Gray stray cat virus now infecting some home computers
680. Medora musical rated most over-hyped attraction in ND because it truly sucks
681. Global Warming changing Algore into a reptile
682. Space Farce soon recruiting members in Fargo
683. Profanity OK at Holy Crap church
684. Many now see the Catholic Church as institutionalized pedophilia
685. Man raised by buffalo running for Congress
686. Woman suing hot sauce for being too hot
687. Red River Diversion still trying to begin long after it should have been finished
688. A brief history of Colorado
689. Shoplifter sentenced to twenty years at the West Acres mall
690. All granite countertops being recalled due to gamma radiation
691. Wandering through some wonderings
692. FEMA cot ready for hurricane Florence
693. Grade school goes into emergency lockdown when Catholic priest tries to enter the building
694. Dear Dr. Finance: Is this a good time to buy gold?
695. The new Aaron Rodgers $10 bills are very popular in Wisconsin
696. Wanting to collect and store everything in cardboard boxes is a sign of superior intelligence
697. An Exclusive FMO interview with Walt Whitman
698. What to do after receiving a presidential alert message
699. Another Autumn golfer nailed by a distracted driver-driven golf cart?

Top Ten Things To Do Instead Of Watching The Super Bowl

In case you don’t feel like watching the Super Bowl, there are some great alternatives.

Fargo, ND – If you’re looking for some fun and different options to do whilst everyone else in the world is watching the Super Bowl ads, we have thoughtfully surveyed the greater Fargo-Moorhead area to come up with some great alternatives for you, boiled down into one short convenient list:

10. Host an Anti-Super Bowl party and watch CNN.

9. Paint your interior walls with a wild jungle scene.

8. Volunteer to work as a bouncer at a local soup kitchen.

7. Go pick out your next pet(s) at the Humane Society.

6. Do comparison price shopping at different grocery stores.

5. Organize all your belongings alphabetically into boxes labeled A-Z.

4. Go door-to-door and ask people what they’re doing?

3. Read the Book of Revelation out loud and then meditate.

2. Discuss the Nunes memo with close friends and family.

1. Watch the Puppy Bowl on the Animal Planet channel.

Johnnny’s Sixth Retrospective (Posts 500-600)

My second one hundred posts.

My 6th 100 posts. Now I can begin to build an even longer fence!

Since 600 is such a nice round number, it was decided to use the occasion of my 600th post to take a trip back down memory lane.

So, it’s time once again to look back on Johnnny’s last 100 posts on your FM Observer.

All posts are listed as clickable hyperlinks in chronological order. Enjoy!

500. Johnnny’s Fifth 100 Posts
501. Many college students admit to living off of Costco free samples
502. Moorhead couple spends Valentines evening together in jail after being arrested for disrespecting an officer
503. Fargo city leaders vote Yes to seek out Guatemalan sister city
504. Man dies when far-sighted reptile mistakes him for large rodent
505. ND lawmakers vote to cut their own pay and always wear jeans
506. Dr. Pepper advises all his patients to drink more soda pop
507. Jamba Joot to headline Fargo reggae fest
508. Elderly Fargo man will not pay his property taxes until diversion is done
509. Trump to introduce family’s new pet llama whose name is Dolly
510. Motivational speaker Marv Hoppler coming to Fargo for some accelerated sessions
511. FMObserver to purchase city of Fargo for undisclosed number of bitcoins
512. FMO’s Buddy Driscoll will be driving the #99 car in the Daytona 500 race
513. Fargo’s most famous poet tries to explain his ‘best works’
514. Hawaii votes to add another island named Zaui
515. Fargo witch heading to trial
516. Man-on-the-street checking the Zeitgeist
517. New Chinese poodle puppies come in variety of colours
518. Vasco Corporation now hiring part-time workers to test wetchops
519. Fargo’s plan to ban plastic bags irks some civil liberties groups
520. FM area to begin spraying for gadflies
521. Fargo downtowner arrested for repeated dawdlings
522. New Fargo donut shop specifically designed for people on drugs
523. Husband of peanut farmer’s wife driving her nuts
524. Gang signs causing fights between rival retirement homes
525. Fargo’s Dr. Hendassa calling it quits after 150 years of service
526. Jack Nicholson opening a bar in downtown Fargo
527. Local hospitals reporting increasing numbers of gogopox cases
528. FMObserver soon to open university dedicated to teaching fake news
529. Cancellation of UND women’s hockey was just a bad April Fool’s joke
530. New FM area golf course to cross interstate highway
531. Russians hack Krispy Kreme’s secret recipe
532. Fargo man demonstrates how to levitate using advanced meditation techniques
533. Playing slot machines good for health
534. FMO interviews United Airline’s CEO Oscar Munoz
535. Fargo bar fight begins after man asks another to borrow his toogit
536. FMO hiring day will be a week from next month
537. Man hit by train in stable condition while recovering at the morgue
538. Moorhead hoarder finds dead husband buried under tons of junk
539. Trump to use LGBTQ to make America great again
540. Fargo singing group to perform on Jimmy Fallon’s Tonight Show
541. In honor of humpday, Defense Dept introduces an old/new military weapon
542. FMO’s ABCs for living happily ever after
543. May is take your pet water skiing month
544. Fargo man suing hospital for mistakenly removing his novanoid
545. Rooftop dancing is the new downtown Fargo party craze
546. Groups of homeless living in trees east of Glyndon
547. Moorhead names itself the most scenic city in the Moorhead area
548. Military developing pink night-vision just for female fighters
549. Amsterdam Douglass donates priceless painting for Global Cooling fundraiser
550. North Dakota first state to make church attendance mandatory
551. Foolhardy Fargo men try operating a powerful magnetron outside its protective shielding
552. New MN state record set for smallest walleye ever caught
553. Golfer Ian Poultergeist somehow got trapped in a television set
554. Valuable items for sale at inflated prices
555. New Tiger Woods invitational golf tournament only for legally drunk players
556. Tiger Woods asking for help and understanding after admitting being wealthy ain’t easy
557. Elderly man dies peacefully at home after family tells him Trump was impeached
558. Volunteers sought for Deja-Vu clinical study
559. Anti-distracted driver movement gaining steam
560. New detention centers being built just for distracted drivers
561. Lottery winner on way to collect jackpot killed by distracted driver
562. Area drought being blamed on dry conditions and Global Drying
563. Twelve-year-old Kung-Fu brown-belt kicks crap out of would-be burglar
564. Fargo bocce ball tournament to raise money for its organizers
565. Montana earthquake either caused by Global Fracking or payback for Unabomber
566. 25 eating tips by FMObserver senior staff dietitian Angie Pitts
567. World famous jazz monkey set to wow Fargo jazz aficionados
568. Delaware has broken off from the United States
569. Fargo’s Dr. Svinkhaus believes that black holes matter
570. Storms completely wipe the town of Centralia ND off the map
571. Fargo realtor being sued for calling bedroom #1 the ‘master’ bedroom
572. Man mails himself to vacation destination in a cardboard box
573. Global Warming causing ice to become the new currency
574. West Fargo runners admit to drinking Mt. Dew before running 3-minute mile
575. West Fargo library being closed for displaying books
576. National coffee shortage causing companies to hoard ‘the fuel of business’
577. Solar eclipse cancelled as some find it to be offensive
578. President Trump to vacation in Fargo
579. Minnesota raising legal cigarette smoking age to fifty
580. Hurricane Limbaugh set to wreak havoc on liberal media
581. Man claims he simply forgot to get dressed after walking into his workplace naked
582. Todd Rundgren opens Moorhead concert with a prayer for President Trump
583. Man tries to rob convenience store for a pack of cigarettes using only a pillow
584. Unsportsmanlike conduct now a federal crime
585. Big Bird dead at the age of seventy
586. Superman Trump single-handedly saves Puerto Rico by tossing out paper towels
587. FMO hiring senior retro-tech position to service all our older equipment
588. Costumes and candy banned for Halloween in Fargo
589. Many apple pickers who choose to make apple wine end up getting quite drunk
590. Boys joining Girl Scouts just for the cookies
591. Fargo lobster bisque company goes belly-up due to lack of local lobsters
592. FMO recommends doing some pre-shoveling prior to any winter storm
593. Uncle Screwball warning trick-or-treaters to avoid scary clowns like him
594. Moorhead couple caught with 800 pounds of Qiameth worth an estimated $2.4 billion
595. New wonder drug called Blitzkrieg has some very serious side effects
596. Oprah’s much-anticipated holiday gift-giving guide
597. It’s no longer OK to say ‘OK’
598. Vikings place Sam Bradford on injured reserve and activate Debra Getty-Widder
599. Cat racing coming to Fargo

Oprah’s Much-Anticipated Holiday Gift-Giving Guide

The Oprah reveals her recommended shopping list for your Christmas.

It is once again that lusciously delightful time of year when everyone waits to see what’s on The Oprah’s gift giving idea list for the upcoming holidays.

Every year The Oprah shares her wonderfully personal list of favorite things to get your loved ones for Christmas.

This year is no exception as The Oprah never disappoints!

Gift #1 – 200 pounds of fresh organic strawberries. ($950)

Gift #2 – Queen-sized sheepskin duvet cover. ($2,800)

Gift #3 – Diamond-encrusted dog brush. ($19,000)

Gift #4 – Gift pack of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. ($53,000)

Gift #5 – 100 shares of Amazon.com, Inc. NASDAQ:AMZN. ($111,160)

Gift #6 – New car: Bentley Mulsanne. ($335,000)

Gift #7 – A bottle of Tequila Ley 925. ($3.5 M)

Gift #8 – Lady Gaga concert with the Obamas. ($12 M)

Gift #9 – Private jet: Dassault Falcon 7X. ($35 M)

Gift #10 – The Shroud of Turin. (priceless)

FMO’s ABCs For Living Happily Ever After

Being happily married all comes down to following these 26 simple nuggets of wisdom.

West Fargo, ND – With wedding season just around the coroner, your FM Observer is offering free marriage counseling advice to those who seek to soon enter the gates of matrimonial blissful harmony.

FMO’s ABCs For A Happy Marriage!

Always admit you’re wrong even when you’re right. Be accountable especially when paying taxes to the IRS. Communicate constantly either with words or mental telepathy. Don’t try to change your spouse unless it is necessary. End all debates with a hug, a glass of wine, and a massage. Focus on making your self better than it was yesterday. Go for a fun run together in the morning if it’s not blizzarding. Have regular meetings with a Life Coach to discuss your goals. Invest in your marriage by giving yourselves nice big raises. Jot down any ideas that could translate into mega-wealth. Keep a list of everything you do together, with dates and comments. Learn how to agree to disagree, or vice versa. Master the art of small talk before moving on to any big talk. Never begin a sentence with the word ‘you’, or with profanity. Organize everything you own alphabetically into stackable boxes. Pray for longevity prior to each and every happy meal. Questions don’t always have answers that make sense. Recognize accomplishments with a handshake and milkshake. Spend money in hundreds while earning it in thousands. Touch more, argue less, is a way to decrease stress. Understand what is being said and unsaid by your spousemate. Visualize your marriage as a flower that needs daily watering. Write and hide anonymous little thank you notes to each other. X-Ray every box delivered to your home prior to opening. Your spousemate is your boss unless you get fired. Zoom out if zooming in is causing too many problems.

Johnnny’s Fifth Retrospective (Posts 400-500)

My second one hundred posts.

My 5th 100 posts. Now I can begin to build an even longer fence!

Since 500 is such a nice round number, it was decided to use the occasion of my 500th post to take a trip back down memory lane.

So, it’s time once again to look back on Johnnny’s last 100 posts on your FM Observer.

All posts are listed as clickable hyperlinks in chronological order. Enjoy!

400. Johnnny’s Fourth 100 Posts
401. Obama First Family To Book A Room At Trump’s Turnberry Golf Resort
402. Fargo Woman Suing Led Zeppelin For Plagiarizing Her Song Kashmir
403. New Pizza Business To Specialize In Deliveries To Jails And Prisons
404. Psychic Predicts Large Number Of Fargo Sinkholes To Appear In The Coming Months
405. Photos By Fritz The Cat Opens In Moorhead
406. Black Lights Matter Has One Small Problem
407. Pokemon Parents Pleading Please Stop The Insanity
408. FMO’s First Annual Snackathon Eating Contest
409. Middle Finger Replaces Frown Face On Social Media
410. New Fargo Motorcycle Gang Called The Hell Monkeys
411. Bison Turf To Rise Again From The Ashes Bigger & Better Than Ever
412. Army Corps Of Engineers To Straighten Out Red River For Improved Flowability
413. Young Fargo Inventor Hits It Big On Shark Tank
414. West Acres Mall Stolen By Man Dressed As Security Guard
415. Zika Fears Creating Need For Last Minute Olympic Substitutes
416. Fisherman Catches Rainbow Trout On Internet Using Clickbait
417. Ask For Your Free Beer During Free Beer Week
418. Milkshakes Are A Great Way To Add Some Poundage
419. FMObserver Lights Candle For World Peace
420. Ryan Lochte Falsely Reports That Zika Caused His Hair Color Change
421. Fargo School Board Reveals Its List Of Lofty Goals For The Upcoming Year
422. Blake Shelton & Gwen Stefani To Stay In Guestroom Of Randomly Selected Fargo Home
423. Rolling Stones Latest New Hit Sympathy For Dementia
424. Florida Hurricane Giving Zika Mosquitos A Free Ride To The Entire East Coast
425. FMO Buys Gilligan’s Island For Our Readers
426. Most People In FM Area Consider Themselves To Be Above Average
427. FMO Helps Gary Johnson Answer The Question: What Is A Leppo?
428. Send A Basket Of Deplorables From Hillary’s Flower Shoppe
429. George Soros Admits To Being Emperor Palpatine
430. Police Turkeys Helping Moorhead Police Solve Crimes
431. Stephen King To Read Scary Books To Children At Fargo Library
432. Battle Of Wounded Knee Could Leave Adrian Peterson A Paralegal For The Rest Of His Life
433. Fargo Hires A Fourth Grader To Help Prevent System Hacking
434. If You See This Chipmunk, Contact Your Local Authorities Immediately
435. FMO To Host Incredible Meet & Greet Session With Carson Wentz
436. Boy Gets Suspended From School For Saying Shih-Tzu
437. New Meta-University Soon To Open In FM Area
438. Amnesia Support Group Forgets When & Where To Meet
439. Young Man Digging Fargo Diversion By Himself
440. During Another Moment Of Confusion, Hillary Says She’s Voting For Trump
441. Many Companies See Benefits To Adding Whack-A-Mole To Their Employee Break Rooms
442. Global Warmers Now Say Global Cooling Is Evidence Of Long Term Warming Trend
443. UFO Spotted Within Fargo City Limits
444. World Famous Scandinavian Folk Singer Coming To Fargo
445. Researchers Confirm That Thursday Is The New Friday
446. Gawk Tour Bus To Visit Pipeline Protest Site Without Getting Involved
447. Jason Bourne Moving Back To North Dakota After Learning His Identity
448. Husband Living In Doghouse Learns To Do Tricks For Treats
449. West Fargo Garage Band Hits Big Time After Being Discovered By Leonardo Dicaprio
450. Fargo Man Returns To Life After Clocks Changed Back One Hour
451. Vote For Vivian Nutwrangler Because She Wants What You Want
452. President Trump Puts Pink Floyd In Charge Of Building The Wall
453. Lutheran Social Service Bringing In Many Mice From MN Lakes Area Due To Lack Of Acorns There
454. Super Moon Proves It’s Moving Closer To Earth
455. Facebook To Begin Charging Users A $30 Monthly Usage Fee
456. Harambe’s Family To Sue Zoo Who Blew Him To Timbuktu
457. Fargo Psychic Wins Lottery For Ninth Time
458. Elderly Fargo Man Arrested For Driving 29MPH On I-29
459. Hatchimal Hoarders Selling This Year’s Hot Items Out Of Their Basement
460. Twelve New Words Being Added To FMO’s Dictionary
461. Some FM Area Businesses Allowing Use Of Cookies As Fungible Barter Tool
462. Eggnog Support Groups Now Forming For The Holiday Season
463. Bigfoot Spotted Wandering Around Just Outside Of Moorhead
464. Some Useful Phrases When Travelling To Norway
465. An Online Christmas Card You Can Send To A Friend
466. Man Found Living Inside Fargo Piano
467. After Devastating Loss, NDSU Bison Football Program To Be Cancelled
468. FMO’s Award Winning List Of Things To Do During The Holiday Season
469. Global Cooling Forces Fargo To Purchase Ice Breaker For Red River
470. Vikings’ Plane Misses Green Bay Runway Wide Left
471. Federal Affordable Cheese Act Providing Free Cheese From US Government
472. Fargo’s Ice Maze Is Free Freezing Fun
473. Recently Discovered Neanderthal Man Suing For Being Called Neanderthal
474. First 2017 Fargo Newborn Gets A Carson Wentz Tattoo
475. Prince Look-A-Like Also Loves Purple
476. Fargo To Get Its Very Own Soap Opera
477. Fargo Man Becomes Very Attached To His Brick
478. Public Service Announcements #1
479. Recounts Show That Jill Stein Won The Election
480. Ways To Stay Warm During A North Dakota Winter
481. Fargo Facebook Families Fatally Fear Fifty Foot Fast Flood Forecast
482. Fargo Teen Accidentally Creates An Actual Wormhole In His Bedroom
483. Volunteers Needed To Test New Bullet Proof Jackets
484. President Trump To Make Salvation Army Part Of US Military
485. Public Service Announcements #2
486. New Fargo Religious Radio Station To Broadcast Only In Tongues
487. Local Youth Has Read Every Book In The Fargo Public Library
488. Large School Bus Full Of Illegal Aliens To Pass Between Earth And Moon
489. UND Offering Classes On How To Wake Up & Get Out Of Bed
490. After Trump Converts To Mormonism He Plans To Add Another First Lady
491. One Of The Most Anticipated Ads During The Super Bowl Is For ‘The Super Bowl’
492. New Downtown Fargo Bar/Restaurant To Provide Horse Stables For Its Cowboy Patrons
493. Fargo North Dakota Seeking To Copyright The Word ‘Fargo’
494. Public Service Announcements #3
495. FMO Planning An Exciting Bus Tour Excursion For Our Readers To The Fossil Fish Festival
496. Glyndon MN Considering Covering Entire Town With A Clear Dome
497. Pinochle Players Spending Most Of The Time Arguing About Trump
498. Ambien User Somnambulates To Ex-Wife’s House To Ask For Nullification Of Divorce
499. Rural Fargo Man Cornered By Moose For A Really Really Long Time

FMO’s Public Service Announcements For The Fortnight Of January 24 To February 7

Contact FMO’s PSA Department if you have something to add to our next PSA listing.

West Fargo, ND – Here are your Public Service Announcements offered freely and voluntarily from the FM Observer for the weeks of January 24 to February 7 in no particularly discernable order:

☺Clem Erdman has begun selling Acme cleaning products that are almost guaranteed to be the best cleaning products you have ever boughten [sic] from a sidewalk salesman.

☺The Job Training Centre will be offering free instruction for the following jobs: Chimney Sweeps, Sewer Inspectors, High-Altitude Window Washers, Grave Diggers, and Paralegals.

☺Martha Wippler has a decorative vase that she would like to give to a good home. She says it was given to her by her aunt Betsy Maye who went to Korea in search of an adoptee.

☺Dawn Slanders will be hosting a live cooking demonstration at the former Piggly Wiggly grocery store. Dawn will be sharing her secrets on how to make toast.

☺The Family Walk-In Clinic is planning a free seminar on what to do with your pain medications that have passed their expiration date.

☺Stanley Flash needs someone to help him figure out how to use the new smartphone which was recently sent to Stan by his son Jumpin’ Jack.

☺Is your gambling problem causing problems at home? Join a roundtable discussion group which meets at the Black Jack tables in the Bamboo Lounge every Thursday night from 8 until midnight.

☺Debi Tica has 30 cases of Diet Coke for sale for only $2 per case after Debi recently got diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes.

☺Now that the spring melt has begun, Ernie Munnie needs someone to clean up his back yard where his dog Biscuits spends a lot of time barking at nothing.

☺The Integration Institute will be teaching English as a second language specifically for people from Somalia. Baro inaad Ingiriisi wax wanaagsan ku hadal.

☺Euell Eskelson has a few openings for ukelele lessons. Euell claims he can teach anyone to play ukelele like a pro in less than a year.

☺The Caregiver Support Group will be having a wine tasting party featuring 18 wines from the Upper Midwest region. Participants will be invited to vote for their top ten favorite wines.

Ways To Stay Warm During A North Dakota Winter

Grab another analog and throw it on the firewall.

West Fargo, ND – We asked all of our FMO team members to brainstorm various ways to stay warm during the dead of winter here near Fargo, North Dakota.

We then slowly simmered the list of a hundred ideas down into this Top Ten List.

Please feel free to add to our list via comments or emails.

☺ Top Ten Ways To Stay Warm During The Winter In Fargo:

10. Only wear clothes that came out of the dryer within the last 10 minutes.
9. Ask to test out a hot tub at each of the various local dealerships.
8. Grab another analog and throw it on the firewall.
7. Turn your smallest bathroom into a sauna.
6. Roll up in a blanket and sip coffee.
5. Jumping Jacks in long underwear.
4. Invite your neighbors to huddle.
3. Rent the movie Hot Cocoa.
2. Microwave Hot Pockets.
1. Crank the heat!

FMO’s Award-Winning List Of Things To Do During The Holiday Season

Ho Ho Holidays! Enjoy our list of fun things to do with those who love you.

North Pole, ND – We are very proud to present FMO’s award-winning list of fun, helpful, creative, and productive things to do during the sometimes-stressful Christmas holiday season.

When the days are short and the nights are long, tis fun to play a game or perhaps sing a song.

Each of the following ideas of fun things to do during The Holidaze is a clickable hyperlink in case you want more information on that subject.

Items on this award-winning and comprehensive list are presented in no particular order and are a 100% free service to our beloved readers, at no charge to you (other than the normal monthly “Zuckerberg” service fee that we already automatically take out of your FMO account).

Buy some Hatchimals for a fun Christmas surprise.
Decorate by wrapping framed pictures.
Bake home-made cookies to use as real money.
Play the new hit game called Add-On Swear Word.
Have an eggnog drinking contest.
Start working on your New Years Resolutions!
Light a special candle for World Peace.
Take time to review your own personal Bucket List.
Write your own wrap song and wrap it to a steady beat.
Get outdoors by playing some winter paintball.
Write and send a letter to Santa.
Learn how to make a quilt.
Engage in some kangaroo boxing.
Take the family to McDonald’s to try their two newest sandwiches.
Get out and take in some local singing groups.
Order a drone-delivered pizza.
Take the entire family to go bowling!
Check out Moorhead’s famous haunted house.
Attend an alternative church service.
Play the bean bag toss game indoors.
Take in one of the many free church organ concerts.
Go downhill skiing at Detroit Mountain.
Check out the UFOs in the Sabin area.
Go get a free burger during the midnight hour.
Check out the new animals at the local zoo.
Attend the Parade of Hoarder Homes.
Read “Toxic Santa’s Revenge” out-loud to your whole family.
Sign up for FMO’s world tour.
Order Heineken delivered directly to your front door.
Win a free robot!
Consider joining PolyPax and turn your life around.
Join a community bongo band.
Take your loved ones out for all-you-can-eat pancakes.
Take a ride with Uber Jet.
Host your own Bitch Fest 3000 event!
Check yourself. Take our Sanity Test.
Visit a real upside-down house!
Try mushroom therapy with your pets.
Make sure all your shots are up-to-date.
Avoid a possible DUI by riding on the free Party Bus.
Learn how to play banjo from the best.
Make some easy money by starting a Cricket Farm.
Practice up for Fargo’s new Ping Pong teams.
Have fabulous family fun at Fargo’s new theme park.
Write some 5-7-5 syllable Haiku poems.
Gather money from penny trays for the homeless.
Take an indoor golf lesson from our pro Wade Lancer.
Try an new downtown restaurant which we recently reviewed for you.
Get a family photo professionally taken in downtown Moorhead.
Suggest the idea of having your very own snack-a-thon.
Help police look for the person who stole the Roger Maris memorabilia.
Request a free beer at any participating establishment.
Enjoy listening to The Rolling Stones new CD: Sympathy For Dementia
Gather round and play the new game: What Is A Leppo?
Visit the public library and listen to the visiting Stephen King read a book.
Visit our FMO headquarters for a Meet-and-Greet with Carson Wentz.
Check out all the classes offered at the area’s new Meta-University.
Go play Whack-A-Mole!
Win free tickets here to see Norway’s version of Madonna!
Check out upcoming destinations of the Gawk Tour Bus.
Send this free online Christmas card to anyone with whom you share love.

Fargo Skool Board Reveals Its List Of Lofty Goals For The Upcoming Year

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Fargo Skool Board members wear their red choir robes to sing in unison on critical issues affecting future generations of tax payers.

Fargo, ND – It is that exciting time of year again when the Fargo Skool Board announces its list of goals for the upcoming skool year.

Not only is it important to set easily understandable and attainable goals but it has been shown that sharing these goals with parents and students at the outset of the year also creates accountability.

Plus, providing Fargo Skool Board members a good exercise in well-defined goal setting demonstrates for others how to properly function in a post-industrialized society for future generations to come during good times and bad times regardless of one’s fiscal propensities.

Here are the Fargo Skool Board’s Top Ten goals for the upcoming year listed in order of how long they are:

1. Implement classroom-based enrichment through experiential-based learning processes.
2. Seize standards-based mastery learning within professional learning communities.
3. Revolutionize over-arching risk-takers through a collaborative process.
4. Exemplify real-time schemas through authentic, real-world scenarios.
5. Pool bottom-up experiences across cognitive and affective domains.
6. Embrace assessment-driven critical learning via self-reflection.
7. Operationalize real-world models for our 21st century learners.
8. Engineer inquiry-centered styles within the core curriculums.
9. Triangulate over-arching student success via introspection.
10. Deliver intuitive schemas through cognitive disequilibrium.
11. Grow critical guiding coalitions in data-driven schools.
12. Enable dynamic living documents across content areas.
13. Amalgamate dynamic experiences through “Big Ideas”.

When asked to list them in priority order with the most important first, here is the order we were given: 10, 12, 7, 8, 5, 13, 11, 3, 6, 1, 9, 2, 4.

When asked to list them in order of the most challenging down to the least challenging, here is that order: 12, 4, 8, 6, 5, 13, 1, 7, 11, 9, 3, 2, 10.

When asked to list them in order of the most cost-effective if achieved within a set timeframe, here is that order: 6, 8, 2, 9, 11, 1, 3, 10, 4, 5, 13, 7, 12.

Finally, when asked to list them in numerical order based on their randomly assigned goal numbers, here is that order: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13.